I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
why is half of my head shaved?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
