I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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