Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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