I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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