I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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