Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
