At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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