I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
