just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
