she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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