What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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