Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
