Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
