so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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