She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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