Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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