it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
