in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I fill condoms, not promises.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
