You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They took my balls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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