sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
