ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
