Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
