also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
