New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
