U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
