Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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