matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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