My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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