yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
