I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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