between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
