Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
