I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
