I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
