I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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