Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
