Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober January is a disaster.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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