my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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