Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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