im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
