my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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