One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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