i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
