Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
