Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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