im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
