I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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