i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
