Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
