Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
