What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
