i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
