Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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