Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
