Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
