she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
