I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
