I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
