She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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