she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you win again, gameday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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