If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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