Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
