i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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