Dual....:-)
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
