Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
