oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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