Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
