His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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