So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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