he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
