i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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