Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
