Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
