I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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