Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
