First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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