What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
