I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
