For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
