I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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