WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
