So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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