I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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