I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
